It is in

Neal had the trach put in this afternoon. He was not as drugged as I anticipated. I have to say I broke down when I first saw it thinking that I had chosen to do this to him and wondering how we got here. Again I ask why. I came home and looked at his phone and noticed some calls around 9 o'clock the day of the accident to numbers 17, 13, not ever a full phone number so I am thinking he was here for 2 hours alone and hurt. I had just talked to him 2 minutes before that. I thought I was over the fact that I was not here, but this released all of those emotions again. If only. I guess we will never know and I do not know how I will ever leave him again. All of these unanswered questions can drive you crazy. I am sure after a good nights sleep I will be fine again. I have had a chance to figure out what my true emotions are. Unfortunately still no answers. I just cannot believe this is happening. I am in total shock.

On a lighter noted... This morning before the trach Neal was very responsive. He wanted to write and his first question was "was there a bombing". I immediately explained to him what had happened to him and that there was no bombing. It is either the drugs or whatever was on tv that day. His next question was when can I go home. I think he is realizing what has happened and wants to move on. This makes me realize the trach, although horrible, was the best decision.

After the trach, I explained to Neal again what had happened to him and that he was going to be fine and we were looking forward to a transplant. He then, I believe said I have already bit my tongue three times (or he was telling me to shutty, I already told him this). I explained this is the first time he had done this and he seemed to be happy with the answer and move on. Later on I called and the nurse said he was watching tv. I said, great the Indians game and she said no the rodeo! I am guessing he fell asleep while he was changing the channel or could not find the remote or he has taken up a new hobby I was unaware of. I also got to see his tongue today. He bit it on the right side from the back of your throat to your lips. I did not have a long enough look to give my professional opinion, but I think he should be ok.


His vitals are good and by the time I left the ventilator was pretty much turned off, with the exception of a little oxygen being pushed through, but he was initiating every breathe. I am hoping by tomorrow he can sit up more and get his restraints taken off. It is much easier to lip read without the tube in his mouth. Thanks again to everyone that is helping us out.