Thursday, May 31, 2007

Message From Ryan

I'm a bit overdue in posting to the site, but wanted to write message, particularly to Neal and Michele. We've been the best of friends since 1998, almost 10 years now. We've grown so close and have done so many things together, that almost no major memory of mine from the last 10 years doesn't include you two! Watching Neal go through this has been the most difficult thing I've experienced in my life. Many people have said really nice things about our planned donation and our decision. Truly though, Leslie and I never had much of a decision to make. We really feel blessed that I was a match to do something for our best friends. It was never a question of should we, but could we. Initially I wasn't clear on why a living donor was needed over a cadaver kidney. However, when I learned the key facts that a living donor kidney lasts TWICE as long (20 yrs vs. 10 yrs) than a cadaver kidney and that dialysis really is a crappy way of life and not just and inconvenience, I realized why this was such a better option. The capstone was seeing all of the horrible things that happen as a result of his condition--these problems that pop up constantly on this blog. I never thought I'd be SO happy to get a phone call from a nurse telling me they wanted to cut me open and hack out an organ! We'd been investigating the option since mid-February, so when it was "final" that I was a match in early April, we were thrilled to know. It was such a relief to know that something could be done. We planned on a mid June transplant, as I could take the time off of work and Leslie would not be in the late statges of pregancy (due in October!). The toughest part has been the ups and downs that we've all faced as Neal's health bounces back and forth. The donation seems to have been called on and off twice already, and now seems to be possibly postponed for some time. It's been really hard for all of us to play "beat the clock" as we try to get this done before the birth of our first child in Sept/October. The real hero in this situation is my wonderful wife, Leslie. She has been watching her Uncle Scott, her inspiration in her life as a special education teacher, in the last stages of his battle with cancer for the last 6 months. She has endured the emotional and physical challenges of this situation---from being there for Michelle to getting up early to let the dogs out at the Kothe's. She'd done all of this while being pregnant(and exhausted) for the first time and finishing her Masters degree. Pregnancy is a time that a woman should be celebrated and she has been so, so unselfish throughout. But I think about the women and men in Iraq and how they are away from their young ones and I realize that Leslie and I are blessed just to BE together. I guess life doesn't stop for pregancy, but pregancy happens within your life. I feel bad that so much attention has been drawn to my donation and away from Leslie's wonderful life changing event(and my life changing event!), when really it was not a hard decision, I wouldn't be in mortal danger, and I would have no long term repercussions. Frankly, after such a trying year, I wouldn't mind spending two weeks on the couch taking Vikatin and watching old Samuri movies at this point! Sounds like vacation to me! For those of you reading this blog, your regular visitation and comments mean a LOT to Neal and Michele. I am in contact with them each and every day and I know that this blog has become a beacon of light for Michele particularly and your support through this site is incredibly meaningful to her. To Neal-you know I'm not one of those people that believes that things happen for a reason, I'm more of the stuff happens camp. I know, not real cheery. What I do believe though is that good things can come out of bad situations. I've seen the relationship between you and Michele grow stronger than I've ever seen it. We've seen SO many of your friends and family grow closer to you two and make sacrifices in so many ways. Watching your health has caused many of us to make healthier choices, choices that will change and extend many of our lives. You'll come out of this stronger, and with stronger relationships with those around you. Better days are ahead, and every day that passes you are one step closer.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great post Ryan. Leslie, if there is anything I can do to help you out, please let me know!!! You both have been such tremendous friends to Michele and Neal over the years. It has been a pleasure getting to know you and watch your friendships grow. Not many people have the same frineds, for this long, after college. You all were very luck to have met way back when!

Stacy

Patty McHenry said...

That was beautiful, Ryan! thanks for making me cry!!!! Dad and I are so proud of you and Leslie and I know that everything will work out for Neal and Michele. How blessed the four of you are to have each other as friends. We love you all and Neal, don't forget you'll have to be part of the McHenry clan once you get that kidney!

Love
Mom

Anonymous said...

Ry, Les, Neal, OneL... and Matt too!
Just wanted you guys to know how special you are to me. I know I can't always be there because I'm always running around the country. But, as the years pass I only realize more, how truely special our group of friends really is....even/especially when I'm 1500 miles away.

As always, thinking good thoughts for all you guys...Love ya!

KT
P.S. Ryan--thanks for making me all sappy...I HATE crying! :)

Anonymous said...

Neal and Michele, I want you to know how this site can help you when you experience these set backs. Go back and read previous weeks and you will see how Neal has bounced back before. Scott has had so many ups and downs too but the support gets him thru!!
It was fun Michele working in Les and Ryan's yard Monday. Quite generous of you to help with all you have on your plate!!
With Prayers,
Kathy

Anonymous said...

Hi Ryan
I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of your decision to help your friend and his wife. You are literally giving them a chance to begin a new life together. You and Leslie are both very special people and I love you both dearly. You have always had a way about you to do good things and at the same time make everyone have a good laugh. This is one of those good things and I pray that both your's and Neal's surgeries are successful. Next it will be time to focus on celebrating the awesome future for you and Leslie and your baby.

I love you very much
Aunt Sandy

Anonymous said...

Ryan you could not have said it better. We know it has been said many times on this post and people are probably sick of it, but we are so lucky to have you guys with or without this. We think to everything we have done and we do not know many people we could spend a vacation with whether in tents on the top of the mountain that has no fishing or sharing a hotel room in Vegas right outside the pool (at a kid friendly hotel) and construction area or a crammed Chicago hotel room with too few towels (We could go on forever) and still maintain sanity and have an excellent time. There have been very few weeks and days at points in our lives we have not all been together. You just do not find that very often.

We are so excited to have a baby entering our lives this year. We are looking forward to planning showers, spoiling the baby (we WILL be the kids Aunt and Uncle whether you like it or not), babysitting, first dates, and listening to all of the achievements of little C______. We are sure the baby will have both of your family values, good looks, selflessness, confidence, humor, drive and Neal's charm! Someday we will be at your son or daughters wedding hoping that they too will find this type of friendship.


Neal and Michele

Anonymous said...

Neal and Michelle, this is Kathy S - your favorite brother-in-law's mother. Stacy (one of my favorite daughters-in law)sent me your blog site. Thanks for sharing. I have a long prayer list going and you are now at the top. Wishing you the very best, it's been a long haul and I know the light is shining brightly at the end of the tunnel. Next year this will be the nightmare that you can be thankful is over. Peace to all. Kathy S

Teresa said...

Ryan and Leslie,

I have not met either of you personally but I know in my heart just how special you are to NeaL and Michelle. You are both a gift to all of us and quite obviously to each other. Everyone of us should be so blessed with the friendship you share with Neal and Michelle but most importantly to each other. May God Bless you both and your child to come. I believe that God has already.

Teresa (Neal's Aunt)

Anonymous said...

Ryan, you are a true inspiration to us all. You have made us look into ourselves like never before. You are truly a good person.
mike