Message From Ryan

I'm a bit overdue in posting to the site, but wanted to write message, particularly to Neal and Michele. We've been the best of friends since 1998, almost 10 years now. We've grown so close and have done so many things together, that almost no major memory of mine from the last 10 years doesn't include you two! Watching Neal go through this has been the most difficult thing I've experienced in my life. Many people have said really nice things about our planned donation and our decision. Truly though, Leslie and I never had much of a decision to make. We really feel blessed that I was a match to do something for our best friends. It was never a question of should we, but could we. Initially I wasn't clear on why a living donor was needed over a cadaver kidney. However, when I learned the key facts that a living donor kidney lasts TWICE as long (20 yrs vs. 10 yrs) than a cadaver kidney and that dialysis really is a crappy way of life and not just and inconvenience, I realized why this was such a better option. The capstone was seeing all of the horrible things that happen as a result of his condition--these problems that pop up constantly on this blog. I never thought I'd be SO happy to get a phone call from a nurse telling me they wanted to cut me open and hack out an organ! We'd been investigating the option since mid-February, so when it was "final" that I was a match in early April, we were thrilled to know. It was such a relief to know that something could be done. We planned on a mid June transplant, as I could take the time off of work and Leslie would not be in the late statges of pregancy (due in October!). The toughest part has been the ups and downs that we've all faced as Neal's health bounces back and forth. The donation seems to have been called on and off twice already, and now seems to be possibly postponed for some time. It's been really hard for all of us to play "beat the clock" as we try to get this done before the birth of our first child in Sept/October. The real hero in this situation is my wonderful wife, Leslie. She has been watching her Uncle Scott, her inspiration in her life as a special education teacher, in the last stages of his battle with cancer for the last 6 months. She has endured the emotional and physical challenges of this situation---from being there for Michelle to getting up early to let the dogs out at the Kothe's. She'd done all of this while being pregnant(and exhausted) for the first time and finishing her Masters degree. Pregnancy is a time that a woman should be celebrated and she has been so, so unselfish throughout. But I think about the women and men in Iraq and how they are away from their young ones and I realize that Leslie and I are blessed just to BE together. I guess life doesn't stop for pregancy, but pregancy happens within your life. I feel bad that so much attention has been drawn to my donation and away from Leslie's wonderful life changing event(and my life changing event!), when really it was not a hard decision, I wouldn't be in mortal danger, and I would have no long term repercussions. Frankly, after such a trying year, I wouldn't mind spending two weeks on the couch taking Vikatin and watching old Samuri movies at this point! Sounds like vacation to me! For those of you reading this blog, your regular visitation and comments mean a LOT to Neal and Michele. I am in contact with them each and every day and I know that this blog has become a beacon of light for Michele particularly and your support through this site is incredibly meaningful to her. To Neal-you know I'm not one of those people that believes that things happen for a reason, I'm more of the stuff happens camp. I know, not real cheery. What I do believe though is that good things can come out of bad situations. I've seen the relationship between you and Michele grow stronger than I've ever seen it. We've seen SO many of your friends and family grow closer to you two and make sacrifices in so many ways. Watching your health has caused many of us to make healthier choices, choices that will change and extend many of our lives. You'll come out of this stronger, and with stronger relationships with those around you. Better days are ahead, and every day that passes you are one step closer.